if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
