you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
