R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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