just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize