Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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