Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
