dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
