since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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