I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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