Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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