miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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