He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
