My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
