He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
