She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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