Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
