I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
