Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
