Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
