Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
