Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
