trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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