I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
