Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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