I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
