I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
