Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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