he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Panties = found
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
