Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
