just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
do nipples grow back?
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