Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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