They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
