Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
