He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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