i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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