it hurts more in the daytime
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Randomize
