I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
