If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
