I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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