I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
