It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
