Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
