Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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