There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You are the jesus of drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
