i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
