I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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