don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
