If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
