So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
