How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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