my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
