Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
