guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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