I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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