Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
