I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
