I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
