I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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