for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
