break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
