Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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