I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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