my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
