The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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