My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
