I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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