i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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