Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
