Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
