he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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