Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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