Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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