Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
