He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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