your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
