new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize