Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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