just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
