I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
