im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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