Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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