Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
