You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
