I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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